America
(takes a deep breath, then reluctantly picks up and dials the phone. Ringing)
England
Hello?
America
(pauses a beat) Hey. England. It’s me. America.
(long pause)
England
Mmm.
America
Yeah. Uh. Long time, huh? I mean it’s been a long time?
(pause)
So uh, whatcha been up to? Keepin’ busy?
England
Do you think I don’t have anything interesting to do when you’re not around?
America
No! No, come on, you know that’s not what I mean
England
Mmm.
America
Yeah, you know, things aren’t going too great for me right now. I mean it went ok for a while, but I’m kinda getting in over my head now. I need a good influence in my life to help me get back on track, I think. You know?
England
Oh, God.
America
Yeah, I mean. It’s stupid. I can’t even remember what we fought about.
England
Tea.
America
Oh, yeah. Tea. (chuckles) I remember how you love that stuff
England
And you said I was controlling
America
Well, that was a long time ago wasn’t it? How long’s it been now?
England
Two hundred and Forty one years
America
See, lots of water under the bridge. Hey! I have an idea. You wanna get back together? Try and patch things up?
England
Look, America. I’m just getting out of a bad relationship. I really don’t think now is the time
America
Europe?
England
Doesn’t matter any more
America
(on the verge of tears)
Come on England. I’m falling apart here—I’m completely out of control. If you take me back, I can change! Give me a chance to show you! Come on? I can change!
England
It’s over, America
America
Please?
England
Fuck off.
America
Well, ok. I guess I’ll talk to you later.
(line goes dead)
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